I am afraid of the aluminum in my antiperspirant. I can just imagine the aluminum seeping through the microscopic open wounds that I inflict on myself everyday from shaving the one centimeter tall tree like hairs that grow on my armpits. I’m positive that I will get cancer (if not from the aluminum, definitely the ten years I smoked cigarettes) or my brain will turn into Swiss cheese. I thought growing my underarm hair out would calm my fears of the toxins dancing in my blood stream because there wouldn’t be an open wound that the poison could climb into, but even with antiperspirant my hairy armpits would smell like day old chicken noodle soup. I noticed that I sweat more and would claw at my pits like a dirty little monkey. And most importantly, I am not a dirty hippie. I am civilized and civilized ladies shave their gross hairy armpits.
Note: If you are one of those lucky women that don’t look like they have a curly-haired child in a headlock, then good for you. This rant is for the women that resemble Paula Cole singing “I don’t want to wait” and don’t like going to Lilith Fair concerts.
Flashback: I once dated a guy who shaved his armpits. He said that he expected his girlfriend to shave her armpits so out of respect or to prove how adamant he was about shaved pits he had smooth pits. I asked why he didn’t shave his legs; he said he didn’t care about that. He was weird and I was nineteen, but his beliefs are evidence that I am not the only one that has thought long and hard about armpits.
Since hairy pits are not an option, I am on the search for an aluminum free deodorant. I found out that even without my open wounds to enter, the elements in antiperspirant are taken into the pores, which causes the cells to swell. Once the cell swells the sweat ducts clench shut. Gross! And super scary!
Day one: Purchased Tom’s Maine Long-Lasting Care Deodorant for a whopping $5.99. My armpits started to burn and they felt funny and tingly all day long. I believe it was the witch hazel with its astringent properties that stung my pits and made my whole upper body feel foreign. I thought I flushed six bucks down the toilet, but luckily Tom guarantees his products. I mailed my used stick for a full refund.
Day two: Purchased Jason Aloe Vera Deodorant Stick for $2.49. I experienced no stingy tingly sensation so outlook it good. My armpits are dampish, but that was to be expected since the aluminum is what blocks the sweat and that is evil. Manipulating my body to stop doing what it was designed to do is just creepy.
Day three: So far so good. At the end of the day I smell muskier than usual, but I think my natural smell is kind of sexy. I don’t see anyone holding their breath sitting next to me. I can always apply more deodorant or take a shower.
I am now closer to being healthier. I quit smoking three years ago. I eat less meat. And now have weaned myself off of antiperspirant. Future accomplishments will be exercising regularly, cutting back on soda (so delicious), and flossing everyday.
