Right Sided Brain

Flexitarian

2010-01-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

I want a patty melt! I am literally salivating for some red meat. I feel bad though. Partly because my wife is vegetarian and partly because I think the animal cruelty that goes on to give me my juicy meat is wrong. I see pictures of the cruelty, I am fully aware. Somehow I am still able to block it all out and eat a burger. When it comes to hot wings or ribs, I see the remains of the dead animal and the bones. It is easy to push the plate away, but the burger is disguised and delicious. Because I eat meat so little, when I do it eat, my stomach rumbles and tumbles. I feel my insides struggling to break it down.

Meat eating is just like smoking. I quit so long ago, but when I see someone enjoying their cig, I want one. When I see someone enjoying their patty melt, I want one. I believe I quit smoking successfully by not hanging around other people who smoke. Because my wife is a vegetarian it makes it easier to refrain from eating meat. When I am on my own though it is virtually impossible to avoid temptation. I am sure I will regret eating my patty melt later today and tomorrow when I experience the rumbles and tumbles in my belly just like when I smoke a cigarette now and feel physically terrible the next day.

I hope that quiting meat eating is like quiting smoking. Over time it will become easier, but today I am going to eat a fucking patty melt.

Stinky Armpits

2010-01-13T15:06:00.000-08:00

I am afraid of the aluminum in my antiperspirant. I can just imagine the aluminum seeping through the microscopic open wounds that I inflict on myself everyday from shaving the one centimeter tall tree like hairs that grow on my armpits. I’m positive that I will get cancer (if not from the aluminum, definitely the ten years I smoked cigarettes) or my brain will turn into Swiss cheese. I thought growing my underarm hair out would calm my fears of the toxins dancing in my blood stream because there wouldn’t be an open wound that the poison could climb into, but even with antiperspirant my hairy armpits would smell like day old chicken noodle soup. I noticed that I sweat more and would claw at my pits like a dirty little monkey. And most importantly, I am not a dirty hippie. I am civilized and civilized ladies shave their gross hairy armpits.

Note: If you are one of those lucky women that don’t look like they have a curly-haired child in a headlock, then good for you. This rant is for the women that resemble Paula Cole singing “I don’t want to wait” and don’t like going to Lilith Fair concerts.

Flashback: I once dated a guy who shaved his armpits. He said that he expected his girlfriend to shave her armpits so out of respect or to prove how adamant he was about shaved pits he had smooth pits. I asked why he didn’t shave his legs; he said he didn’t care about that. He was weird and I was nineteen, but his beliefs are evidence that I am not the only one that has thought long and hard about armpits.

Since hairy pits are not an option, I am on the search for an aluminum free deodorant. I found out that even without my open wounds to enter, the elements in antiperspirant are taken into the pores, which causes the cells to swell. Once the cell swells the sweat ducts clench shut. Gross! And super scary!

Day one: Purchased Tom’s Maine Long-Lasting Care Deodorant for a whopping $5.99. My armpits started to burn and they felt funny and tingly all day long. I believe it was the witch hazel with its astringent properties that stung my pits and made my whole upper body feel foreign. I thought I flushed six bucks down the toilet, but luckily Tom guarantees his products. I mailed my used stick for a full refund.

Day two: Purchased Jason Aloe Vera Deodorant Stick for $2.49. I experienced no stingy tingly sensation so outlook it good. My armpits are dampish, but that was to be expected since the aluminum is what blocks the sweat and that is evil. Manipulating my body to stop doing what it was designed to do is just creepy.

Day three: So far so good. At the end of the day I smell muskier than usual, but I think my natural smell is kind of sexy. I don’t see anyone holding their breath sitting next to me. I can always apply more deodorant or take a shower.

I am now closer to being healthier. I quit smoking three years ago. I eat less meat. And now have weaned myself off of antiperspirant. Future accomplishments will be exercising regularly, cutting back on soda (so delicious), and flossing everyday.

What Were You Thinking? Part Two

2009-07-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

It's the Bay Area, Bucko, what were you thinking? It never gets sooo hot that you have to take your shirt off. Your man boobs and pale chest offend me.

What Were You Thinking? Part One

2009-07-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

Renn Fair guy, what were you thinking? I know tights are comfortable, but next time reconsider.

Serious About the Uke

2009-07-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

I had my second uke lesson yesterday and it was great! I really like the instructor. I am learning Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I gotta start somewhere, right?

I mean really

2009-06-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

Pretty please read this article.

http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2009/04/rachael-ray-tattoo/

Packing is the pits! Unpacking is even worse.

2009-06-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

After a long day the last thing I want to do is go through boxes and boxes of crap, especially my crap. Crap that for one reason or another I have convinced myself I need to hold on to. I have no problem getting rid of clothes. I am not one of these people that think I’ll ever fit into jeans again that are a size smaller than I am now. When I’m packing, I get rid of a lot and feel good about giving my trash to those less fortunate to have crap.

I would go all Buddha and get rid of all of my material possessions, but then I think about the money. I haven’t used this stapler for two years, but one day I’ll need it and I won’t want to buy another. The bottom drawers of this dresser have fallen off, but I paid good money for it; I’ll fix it. On the other hand, I maintain a bomb shelters supply of toilet paper, tampons, and paper towels. It’s not like I will never use them.

The part I hate the most about unpacking is finding a home for everything. I always need to spend more money! I need a shelf in the bathroom for my crap. I can’t live without some place to put my baby powder or foot spray that I haven’t used since I bought them. I guess I’ll just put them in this bathroom caddy and place them in this closet and forget about them because I don’t see them everyday and when I need baby powder because my butt cheeks rubbed together more than usual, then I will just go out and buy some more. If I had a shelf in my bathroom, none of this would happen. Maybe not the butt cheeks rubbing together part, but more money wasted.

Packing and unpacking reminds me of how much I waste and spend. Packing is the pits!

Pretty Pretty Nails

2009-04-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

I have a new obsession. Manicures. I started off with red, now orange, and next bubble gum pink or grey.

Nuff said

2009-03-13T10:03:00.001-07:00

Lady Elaine or Joan of Arc

2009-03-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

My new haircut. Does it look like Lady Elaine or Joan of Arc? You be the judge.

Mormon Literature is For Everyone!

2009-03-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

This fine gentleman was reading New Moon by Stephanie Meyers. He doesn't look like a teenage girl to me. Who isn't reading this crap? What kind of spell does she have over us?

-Boomer

Mysterious Water Puddle

2009-03-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

After showering this morning, I notice a large amount of water along the base of the tub. The bathmat was soaked around the edges and I thought immediately, the water must have sprayed out onto the floor from the shower. I investigate the cloth shower curtain and it wasn’t wet. I look all around and couldn’t determine the source. I put a towel down, to absorb the water, and continued to get ready. I walk over to the étagère and stepped in more water near the toilet. I think, did the toilet over flow? I check all around, but there were no signs of the toilet over flowing.

My bathroom is fairly small, so I have the hallway door open to the kitchen where Diego’s pee pad is, to not feel as claustrophobic and to allow moisture to dissipate into the rest of the house. I glance over at his pad and notice he did not go to the bathroom all night because the pad was clean and dry. I grab a Q-tip, glance back to the pee pad, and notice that it is soaked with water! It was dry no more than 15 seconds earlier. I walk over to the hallway door looking for the source of the water; touch the curtain on the far left side of the tub and it is dry as bone. I look at the floor and there is no stream of water coming from the area around the tub connecting it to the giant puddle of water surrounding the pad. What the hell is going on here?

I wake Sommer up and tell her, “We have a problem. There is a ton of water on the floor and I can’t figure out where it came from”, as I survey the ceiling.

“Really?” she says. “I came home last night after leaving for the store and there was a strange puddle on the floor in the kitchen. I thought that it came from the refrigerator, but it was no where near it. I thought it might be Diego pee, but when I cleaned it up it was just water”.

Very spooky, isn’t it? Look at my rudimentary illustration. You will notice the location of the mysterious water puddles and where the bathmat and pad were saturated with water.

All my love,

Boomer

My First Complaint Letter. I am so proud.

2009-03-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Donna Corbeil- Director of Library Services,

I'd like to inform you about the negative experience I had at Berkeley Public Library. On Saturday, February 28th 2009 at 3pm, I approached a member of the staff to ask for her help on how and where to use a quick computer. This person, a woman with brunette hair past her shoulders working on the third floor, was rude and curt with me. Worst of all she gave me incorrect information insisting I make a reservation even though I found 'express' computers on the 2nd floor, no reservation required!

Aside from giving misinformation her body language and tone were very uncivil. She rolled her eyes and held her hand out for my library card with disdain. I was particularly offended when she asked me for my four digit code to make the computer reservation. I told her I didn’t know what it was since it had been a while since I had been there. She said, "the last four of your number”. My original assumption was my social security number. However, after many attempts at determining the code, she finally looked up my account. She asked for my telephone number and said, “You said you didn’t know the last four of you number”. I told her that I did not know what she meant when she asked for “the last four”. Her overall tone was condescending.

When I called your facility around 5pm, the same evening, to discuss her behavior and unhelpfulness, the supervisor on duty, Mr. Clemens was reluctant to give me his name. After I told him what had happened, he told me verbatim, “I will get her side of the story and tell my supervisor”. He was very dismissive of my concerns, which led me to believe that nothing would be done about this.

Every person I dealt with was rude and disobliging, except the librarian on the second floor (short brown hair, glasses, early forties) who showed me where the express computers were. Since none of the staff wear name tags, I am only able to provide you with descriptions and times.

The library is a valuable resource and, while I realize everyone has a bad day now and then, I'd hate to think that my experience is typical at Berkeley Public Library. I would also hope that in the future if concerns are addressed to a management position that they would be handled appropriately. While I can certainly empathize in the difficulties of face to face customer service there is little excuse for upper management being blatantly dismissive. I hope this letter does not follow in the same suit. Thank you in advance for your time.

Concerned,

Boomer

Haven't Been Craftin'

2009-02-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

I started school so I haven't had much time to knit or craft. I have been writing more, so when I write something pseudo worthy for your reading pleasure I will post it.

Preppy Gone Crazy

2009-01-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

I am obsessed with JCrew. Everyday I look at the website and drool. There was this pair of shoes that I stared at for three months and never bought because they cost $250! They were strappy heels that were the most breathtaking 1950s kitchen appliance creamy mint. A month ago they cost $150 and I seriously started to consider buying them. Online I clicked the color and scrolled down to find that they no longer carried my shoe size. Drats!
If anyone is reading this please buy me JCrew gift cards. My birthday is coming up and all I want is a multitude of JCrew gift cards! As another JCrew obsessed shopper said, "They have the preppy-gone-crazy look with colors and materials that I absolutely adore". I think that I might be a preppy that has gone crazy!

Just Saying Hi

2008-12-23T12:13:00.001-08:00

I have finished some knits, but I need a camera to take lovely photos for you all to see. Santa is bringing me a digital camera, so I will probably go crazy with pics. Stay tuned.

Busy Girl Am I

2008-12-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

This Saturday, I have my first ukulele lesson and I volunteer at the library. I am so happy to be finally working toward my dreams. Here comes the crafty, uke playing, librarian!

My New Obsession

2008-12-01T14:14:00.000-08:00

The Ukulele. I can't wait to learn. My goal song to be able to play is "Tonight I Belong to You" from the movie The Jerk, performed by Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters. Maybe I will name my little guy..... Steve. That would be cute. Steve the ukulele!

The Little Engine That Could

2008-11-25T12:56:00.001-08:00

Knitting has taught me perseverance.

I keep trying new stitches and when I can't figure a certain part out, it drives me crazy. At night before I go to sleep, I am still knitting. In my mind I am trying to solve the puzzle. When I finally figure the stitch out, I am proud of myself and feel rewarded for my persistance.

The Daisy stitch (bottom left) is a stitch I can not wrap my brain around. The yarn over purl isn't comng out right, but I will figure it out. I will.

The Fan stitch (top right) is an example of how my determination paid off. Ahh relief!

Chuck E Cheese

2008-11-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

Sommer as Bubble Girl.

Why Blog?

2008-11-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

My blogging is to show off my current creative streak. It has been at least ten years since I have been able to create. I am finally free and clear. I have always wanted to be the crafty girl and now have a focus that I hope lasts.

I Now Know How To Purl

2008-11-10T14:24:00.001-08:00

Thanks to the lovely ladies at Piedmont Yarn and Apparel. Their free knitting lessons on Fridays are much apprieciated and they will be getting all of my patronage.
http://www.piedmontyarn.com/

Just you wait everyone. Xmas will bring lots of scarves for my friends and family. No cold necks for you!

Birthday Present For My Bro

2008-11-10T12:41:00.000-08:00

I love my Bro, but he is hard to shop for.

I found some fabric that I cut off of a chair my family had in our living room some 25 years ago. The chair was going to Goodwill, so before it was carted off I cut a piece of fabric to later do something with. Eight years later, I thought of something to make out of it. I stretched the fabric across a wooden frame and vola! Childhood memories flooded back.

Sommer drew a picture of my brother and I, to place in the frame. Aren't we cute?

Knittin' and Stitchin'

2008-11-06T22:17:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I am going to a free knitting class to get some help with the purl stitch. Wish me luck.

Sommer

2008-11-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

My lady

Diego

2008-11-06T12:53:00.001-08:00

My little man is so great. Look how regal he is.